I don’t do grief well. I tend to withdraw rather than reach out, so please don’t tell me, “I’m sorry for your loss.” I already know and it only makes me cry harder.
When someone I care about loses someone I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry doesn’t seem like enough. “Loses” as if they went somewhere, got lost and you can find them again. In the physical sense it feels like a loss. They are no longer in the physical world, you can’t hear their voice, you can’t hold them, you can’t see them and you miss that. You will always miss that.
My cousin transitioned to spirit this week. I wanted to go see him when I found out he had cancer. In order to make the 378 mile drive I needed to put tires on my car. I couldn’t pay for the tires and the trip, so the trip to California didn’t happen. I’m sorry I didn’t get to see him while he was still in the physical.
What gives me comfort when someone transitions is sitting in the silence and feeling their presence. They didn’t go anywhere, they just changed form. They hang around, watching the people they love, trying to give comfort and love. Most of us have difficulty feeling their presence, but they are there. I wasn’t taught this growing up. I was taught that people go to Heaven (mother’s family) or just cease to exist (father). I’ve been taught that when they’re gone you no longer have access to them; you can’t communicate with them, but I’ve come to believe that teaching is incorrect.
Over the years, sitting in the silence, listening to God (or the universe or whatever you want to call it), has shown me that there is more to life than what I’ve been taught. When you sit in silence and listen you can hear the voice of Spirit. You receive words or pictures or thoughts or feelings or guidance in other ways. When you sit in the silence you can hear their voice. You can feel them surround you with love as if they are physically sitting with you giving you a hug. Grief keeps us from hearing or feeling them. Once the grief begins to lessen it’s easier to feel their presence and the comfort it brings.
If we were taught this truth from the day we are born, we would never question it or feel separated from our loved ones. The truth is there is so much life in the unseen world that we are never taught. We feel it every day on so many levels; we get guidance and messages in a thousand different ways but don’t recognize it because we’re taught things like, “You can’t know that”, “You’re crazy”, “That’s not real” or my personal favorite, “That’s just your imagination”. We teach our children to ask for guidance and then teach them not to listen to it, how crazy is that?
Here’s what I want you to know: It is not your imagination, it is real, you’re not crazy, and you can know that.
We know this truth as children. When we’re kids we believe in magic, miracles, and we know all things are possible. Then, as we get older, we listen to our parents, teachers, friends, and society telling us it’s not real, instead of listening to the still, small voice within us as it screams that what they’re teaching us is wrong.
Why in the world do we want to make the people we love doubt what they inherently know to be true? Doing this creates low self-esteem, lack of confidence, doubt in their abilities, and distrust of their own guidance and judgement.
Teach your children this truth, it is not your imagination, it is real, you’re not crazy, and you can know that, so they can be confident in their natural gifts, guidance, intuition, and abilities. They need to know you believe in them.